December 2005

Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Changes

Saw a memo the other day: Security geniuses can train half-inch wasps, in a matter of
hours, to detect bombs. In my day we trained WASPS for intelligence work too, but
first had to send them to Yale.

I’m beginning to think it would be a good thing for me if Karl was indicted. I think I can
handle “Grey-Boy” on my own. I’m wondering who on my staff can be trusted to leak
specific rumors. This is not something I would want to get caught at.

We had a private debriefing with Rummy over the holiday weekend. About I/O. He was
full of good cheer, even if the military audiences didn’t snap up the applause lines. But
we dropped his bowel and removed the lower core brain and were able to download
everything he saw, and heard as well as non-verbal clues and bad thoughts.

As privately suspected it’s a mess. Halliburton’s contracts with the North are still
golden, though we haven’t found the right mix of people crazy enough to work there.
The Filipinos we're used to, would rather work in Saudi Arabia or Oman. I guess we have
to start training the Mexicans, Brazilians and Ecuadorians for such work. --We could pay
them a lot less too!

It’ll be tricky legging out of the place before the mid-terms while the Civil War
escalates. But I’ve thought about that too. We’ll put a bounty on news-people. Once
our troops are clear, no reporter in their right mind will even land at the airport. Heh,
heh, heh. What folks don’t know won’t hurt them.

Monday, December 26, 2005
Goodwill

Spent a quiet day contemplating our good fortune. All is well. I thank my stars everyday
for Howard Dean. His mouth is set to speaker-phone. It’s the opposite of ‘Grey-Boy,’
whose intellect (circuit-wise) is on semi-mute, except for cussing. Most of what Dean
says is probably true, but like Bill Clinton there is no sense of gravity. And unlike Clinton
no charm either.

Kerry was a dream too. A real ‘fighter.’ Somebody in his organization must have known
he was going to be Dukakis-ed. Kerry wrapped up his nomination in April of ‘04 and
stood around waiting for a sucker-punch. Which we happily provided with the Swift-
Boat thing and Kerry lay on the canvas and drooled for a few weeks.

Bin Laden had been on vacation for three years. I/O was a mess and all the opposition
could do was drool. It’s so easy to see that once we taught ‘Grey-Boy’ about God; (on
my knee as a matter of fact) --you could see how GB’s primitive intelligence made all
the connections: “Yes, and God loves ME!”

Saturday, December 24, 2005
Hear this word...

I’m the Adult in this Administration. So the pundits claim. --If they only knew what
they were talking about. Yeah, I got a touch of the holiday blues. Not even curdled
Llama’s milk can do its old magic.

With Scooter gone there’s no one to feed counter-Intel to the saps in the press. Like
about the growing rift between “Grey-Boy” and me; as if one can have a falling out
with an Automaton. It’s Karl who has minute-to-minute access to the control panel.
OK, I won’t go there. Paranoia is counter-productive.

When I begin to feel this way I always cheer myself up with how splendid it is to be able
to fool all of the people all of the time. Take I/O: we know, as anyone with half a brain,
that we don’t have the troops for a fourth and fifth year rotation. Even with 20-100,000
contractors we can’t carry that weight. So Murtha spills the beans and let’s everyone
know we’re mostly out of there in eighteen months. Yet we’ve defined the slander to
paint those who want out in six months as traitorous, cut-and-run, cowards while the
eighteen-month crowd is virtuous and patriotic. In Eighteen months we’re hoping to
have a deal with Sadr for petro-rights in the South and we already have Northern petro-
rights sewed up with the Kurds. Win-win on the bottom line; and all paid for with
Chinese loans and obligations against the future working class. Brilliant.

We’ve done the same domestically. We painted the bastards against the ‘Alien and
Sedition Acts’ as craven enemies of Christ and America. --While we help our buddies in
Industry with a flood of cheap, illegal labor. And we do a song and dance about how we
will secure those borders ‘down the road.’ Down the road to hell I say! I’m told that on
the East Coast you can’t find an English-speaking craftsman in the building trades. All
the housing-framers in New Jersey are Brazilian. The laborers are from Ecuador etc. Not
only will they work for half the money and no benefits, they don’t know or care about
safety rules. They fall off buildings, cut off their hands, gouge out their eyes but still
they keep coming for the eight bucks an hour it would take them a week to earn back
home. And the North thought it could abolish slavery. Fools! I knew we’d win over time.

Ah, I’m feeling so much better... Let me wish everyone like me a pleasant and
prosperous holiday. The rest of you, go _ _ _ _ yourselves.

Friday, December 23, 2005
Am I being too paranoid?

I generally hate TV. I really miss the home shows with their vituperative cynicism. Yeah
we get some of that from Fox, but to me it’s preaching to the choir. And that Daily
Show bugs me.

Saw “SoftBall” last night. Mathews was off. What’s her name was questioning the
vicious Ice-Queen Maureen Dowd. I had to take a pill. Anyway Dowd mentioned that
the Republican dream ticket for 2008 would be McCain and Condi. Or, perhaps, Condi
heading the ticket as the “SITTING VP!” Which means getting ‘THE MAN’ to step aside
early.

I wanted to put a hit on her. But I started thinking. Who is this Maureen Dowd; and
what does she know; and when did she know it? I was in the room when the current
version of Condi was brought to life. But Condi wouldn’t be doing anything I haven’t
done by moving me aside. It’s what I did to my old boss Rummy, who we shipped off to
I/O for the day. And McCain; that terrorist-loving S.O.B. --while he was luxuriating at
the Hanoi Hilton I was busy making my bones in the Nixon Administration.

It goes back to the Vulcans, once shepherded by King-Maker George Schultz. He was
the Grand-Wizard who brought “Grey-Boy” into the world. I told him; Mister Secretary,
“Grey-Boy” doesn’t speak any Earth languages properly. And the Grand Wizard in his
genius, said to me with the simple sanctity of his position on Earth and in the Oil
Industry: “It doesn’t matter.”

I suppose the Scooter-thing has made me vulnerable and the Vulcans have possibly
made their decision. Oh, dear me. I need to pray. But no longer to Vulcan that god of
fire and smelting; --of the Earth’s cauldron a-boil in deviltry. No, we always pray to gods
most like ourselves. Hear this word, Janus, and deliver me from those who would do to
me what I would prefer to do to them. Amen.

Thursday, December 22, 2005
What’s in a word?

This note is for the file and should be destroyed if the Special Prosecutor ever gets the
cohones for a warrant; got that, Addington?

I, throughout my many lives on this silly planet, have always been on the side of
orthodoxy and privilege. I often digress about my early days in the Roman Empire,
luckily it was during and after the first Century when administrators were prized for
their cunning and did not have to show mettle for battle. Often I have been an
American. During the Revolution I was naturally a Loyalist to the Crown. I was with
Biddle at the Bank of the United States, Judah Benjamin in the Confederacy, etc. But I
was not at all times an American; I was with Franco in Spain and much earlier during the
Inquisition with Torquemada.

I haven’t always ended up on the side with the biggest winnings but usually have. I
admit it has taken 140 years for the Confederacy to finally win the Civil War but you see
the point I’m making...

Luckily for us there is no effective opposition. Howard Dean, John Kerry were only
1/8th the potential adversary of say a ‘Bugs Bunny.’ Eventually, though, some
malcontent with nothing to lose will see the obvious, and out of sheer stupidity for his
own betterment will announce it to the world. Take I/O for example. Our latest claim is
that we want ‘Democracy’ there. Give me a break. We want a government for ourselves
that knows EVERYTHING it can about its citizens and whose citizens know NOTHING
about it. We cherish one-party rule. We will not legislate anything unless there’s a good
buck in it for someone we know. We don’t want democracy for I/O; we don’t want it
for America!

Anyway. When the Archivists from Andulusa go through the record I want them to
know I was prescient enough to investigate and secretly imprison or kill anyone who
starts making waves about us being ‘Fascists.’ It’s still an ugly word even though it
means beautiful things to many of us, and we can’t let the ‘debate’ go there.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Oh what fun it is...

Oh what fun it is... Yes it’s me singing. I’m using Voice to Text for a hands-free
experience. That way I can pat myself on the back. I finally got to do something legal
today. I mean I work damn hard coordinating ‘Grey-Boy’ with Karl, giving guidance to
that used-up wench of my best friend Rummy etc. But today I got to break a tie in the
Senate. And what a pleasure it was too. I cut Medicaid, Medicare and student loans.
Just in time for Christmas! What Yule-time joy. My ecstasy knows no bounds.

Heh-heh-heh. I recall some months ago while out pressing the flesh some born-again
comes up to me. Not one of our usuals, you know the ‘Pioneers’ and better who run
the mega-churches and wear microphones while they’re up there performing and
pulling in the big bucks. But some small-town, holy-roller. He comes up to me
representing no more than 300 potential voters. So I gave him 15 seconds. He says,
“You have got to know JESUS...”

I almost told him the truth: “Know him; I’m the one who recommended he be
executed!” And it’s true. It was during a much earlier incarnation on this planet. I was
working for Pilate in those days. He taught me a lot too. I’ll always regard Pilate as an
important mentor. He told me not to use high office to chase tail, but to accumulate
wealth. Which is what I’ve done all these earth-lives. Make your connections, take your
bribes, use your influence and you will rise to the top of the heap.

As for Jesus or whatever Jewish name he was using, not very memorable: Just a
malcontented local. Certainly wasn’t any music swelling in the background when he
moved his eyeballs. We executed a lot of dangerous types in those days. Hell, we had
our own version of the Patriot laws. Ha, ha, ha. Hey, pass on to ZXYUP a ‘Happy
Saturnalia’ for me. Bye.