January 2006

Tuesday, January 24, 2006
We are at War

Every time one of those mealy-mouthed democrats opens his girly-mouth to complain
about us looting the treasury, rolling wads of cash off our fat-cat pals for high-bid
government contracts etcetera all we have to do to stop them dead in their tracks, is
to say with all the seriousness we can muster. “We are a nation at WAR.” --You
traitorous slime are emboldening our enemies. And the liberal bastards run home crying.

It’s always good for a gut-busting laugh. I’m the guy who cut the defense budget 25%
under ‘Grey-Boy’s’ daddy-o. Heh, heh, heh. Had to. It was the peace dividend! Hah,
hah, ho. Reagan had gone nuts on his 600 ship navy and ABMs. We pawned off the S &
Ls to the Commercial Banks. We removed oversight. (Remember Junk-Bonds?) And then
a few years later had to bail out the Financial Industry to a tune of, oh, around 5 trillion
dollars when the commercial real-estate bubble collapsed. That was good for a laugh.
“Grey-Boy’s” kid brother got caught with his tit in the ringer but got off.

So, yeah, we got 10 divisions in the Army and 2 1/2 for the Marine Corps. I did that a
generation ago. We would have trouble fighting the Philippine Insurrection against
natives with bolo knives. It’s been how long now, and there’s still this insolent debate
about armor for “Humvees,” ( a stupid idea for an overpriced vehicle) and soldiers.
While I thought this war a really good idea, I always thought the tax cut was a better
one!

Whenever I see one of our Congressional caucus repeating the talking points, ‘we are at
war’ to deflect whatever marginal criticism is being leveled by some gutless opponent, I
high-five the TV. “Attaboy.” One Tenth of one percent of “us” are at war. The rest of
us are “at money.” If you don’t like it wimp, then wipe your behind with it.

Sunday, January 22, 2006
Because I Can

If I’m careful... –and I mean careful with that new ‘multiple-me personality recast’
switch, I can get a setting where I don’t really assume a distinct personality, but I can
LISTEN in to what people are thinking! Lots of them!

It’s cool and this way I can avoid reading that mountainous pile of transcripts that the
NSA drops off by the truckload. I’m technically breaking the so-called law all by myself.
And I’m lovin’ it!

McCain’s climbing on the anti-oil bandwagon; the ‘greenie.’ At least he wants to go
nuclear. He’s not becoming a windmill-guy like Don Quixote or Donkey-Oatie as I like to
call him. I think that’s where the Democrats come from...

Oil’s buttered my bread all these years. So has Government largess. Government built
the canals and then collateralized the railroads, built the highways for the car industry,
built the airports for the airlines, built the friggen’ sports stadiums for all the teams
(Grey-Boy’s only success story). Government made the country rich and more
importantly it’s made ME rich. So you can wipe your behind with all that free-market
pap. And in another era I told that to Adam Smith.

I told him, look without Charters indemnifying against loss the Colonies (America)
wouldn’t have come to anything. Government’s got to pick winners or it will end up
picking losers. – Which brings me back to present day. ‘Grey-Boy’ will never pick
another winner. But that’s a whole ‘nother story. Heh, heh, heh. How’d I get going on
these tangents? Oh, yeah... --because I can!

Saturday, January 21, 2006
Two Hearts

Maureen Dowd, Maureen Dowd, Maureen Dowd. When have two opposing hearts had
so much of each other on their minds? Of course my reserve heart has been moved to a
secure spot behind my right knee. She’s after me again in today’s Times.

It’s the old taunt about not catching Osama bin Laden. She’s smarter than ‘Grey-Boy,’
too, but doesn’t quite get it either. It’s an old trick, called ‘Wars of the Stooges.’ If,
you, the owners of a country are taking away rights, privileges, shares of wealth
etcetera; you must provide suitable distractions.

Look at four of our last ‘wars:’ Manuel Noriega, former dictator of Panama had been on
the C.I.A.’s payroll. Saddam Hussein, whom we have had the honor of fighting twice
was our de facto ally against the Iranians in the mid-eighties.

We sent Rumsfeld there several times to shake Saddam’s hand. Once to sell them a
pipeline deal and once on behalf of the Reagan Administration to hand-over satellite
intelligence and billions of dollars in ‘agricultural assistance’ made fungible just for him
so he could turn it into cash for the arms market.

Poison gas for Saddam? We and our Western allies made all that possible. In between we
created the ‘mujahideen’ and thereafter the Taliban with two billion dollars. A billion
from our taxpayers and another billion of recycled petro-dollars via the Saudis. So
indirectly Osama bin Laden and his ‘computer data-base’ (Al Qaeda) of mujahideen have
been a creation of our Foreign Policy.

You need wars and the threat of war as a suitable distraction. Who we gonna fight;
China? That would be a real war with real consequences. We’d prefer to hand the
Chinese our industry, give them to Wal-Mart as America’s supplier and borrow our
money back from China at modest rates. This only makes sense, of course, if you
understand our final game plan [Yuk, yuk].

But Maureen, Maureen, Maureen. --I need to remember not to move my head too
suddenly as the personality switching-device could self-engage. I have learned to learn
about her, without becoming her (again).

Friday, January 20, 2006
Most Strange

This place is most strange. And look at me. No wonder I can’t find a husband. I am a
husband! Need to get contacts, a high-class wig (reddish). Drop forty pounds and
obtain some stylish clothes (and heels).

Things to do: Call for referral for surgeons. Have breast augmentation, sex-change
operation and add freckles.

Draft for column: Abraham Lincoln (remember him) was the first Republican President.
He was reared in a tiny wooden shack without plumbing or loving-kindness. His family
owned an ax and a plow. He had little formal schooling and went on to become an
inspiring writer, speaker (yes a lawyer too) and leader. The clarity of his thought is
obvious across the planet and the generations. He was even nicknamed for his
truthfulness. Inheriting a divided nation he saved the Union.

If Lincoln was Lincoln, then the current Republican President is the anti-Lincoln. His
parents, grandparents and great-grandparents were millionaires. He went to the finest
and most expensive schools and can not speak a single clear sentence. He is quoted
only to prove the untruthfulness of earlier statements or by humorists mocking his
twisted logic and prose. He inherited a nation calling for unity and instead divided it...

Side note: Throw out all the crap in the refrigerator and pick up some yogurts and bran
muffins. God, these legs are awful. And I’m so out of shape. Time for a few crunches.
Ugh, Ooo, Ugh. Maybe some jumping-jacks will get the blood pumping. Yikes what was
that?

Thank goodness, the switch clicked over... Let’s see these computer notes. She was
going to cut off my gonads! Just like her. Yogurt? Must have a good steak. Take an extra
pill.

Will you read this trash... I’ll have to remove the hard-drive and eat it. Oh by the way,
here’s a little collage of my return trip.

Thursday, January 19, 2006
Multiple Me

One of the new fixes I got off-planet, was the multiple-me re-cast switch. I can press a
button and start thinking (and feeling) like anyone I want. It’s a great way to get a leg
up on your enemies. This morning, while shaving I tried being Howard Dean for five
minutes. My eyes got that weird look to them and I began hissing and cackling into the
shaving mirror. I suppose it was Howard Dean looking into MY face.

I tried explaining it to ‘Grey-Boy.’ He nodded his half-robot head and sputtered
something about tuning in “Ben Loden” (sic). I said that’s ‘Bin Laden,’ not Ben Loden.
And this is a skill-set to be used against our ENEMIES not the stooges that keep us in
power. He nodded, but doesn’t get it.

Anyway, I think this is really neat. I’m going to switch over my alter-personality to
Maureen Dowd for a few minutes and see what she’s up to.

Oh my gosh! Ugh... I’ve got to get back... Uh oh, I think the switch is stuck...

Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Toys

I got a neat gift back on Andulusa. It’s a Kerry-Wimp doll. You can step on it and it will
whine: “Please don’t do that. It may be illegal.” And it makes the real Kerry scratch his
chin. I love it. I’ve been stepping on it all day; it just cracks me up. I understand that
Senator Kerry now has a chin rash. Too bad; maybe that’s illegal. Ha, ha.

Read Dowd today in the Times. Finally. She called it. If the real Kerry had gone to the
Alamo in April of 2004. Looked into the camera instead of gawking around, and said: “
‘Grey-Boy’ is a yellow-belly, influence-peddling, lie-in’ son of a bitch. And I’m gonna
kick his little ass right here in Texas.” He’d be President right now. Of course then he’d
have to figure out what to do with I/O. And we had sacked the Treasury already,
leaving nothing but I.O.U.s...

But, enough pontificating. Listen to this: [Crunch] “Please don’t do that. It may be
illegal.” I love it! Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Back in the saddle again

Back from the Saturnalia and feeling goooood! Had my spine stiffened back home, along
with some real good personality infusions. I think they sent my holiday-hologram on
some talk shows while I was away. Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Watched some of the Alito hearings from the Star-Gate waiting lounge. I’m lovin’ it! To
be fair Americans aren’t any stupider (ok, more stupid) than anyone else: they’re just
as stupid.

Specter used the “i” - word. Impeach “Grey-Boy” and, what, get me? Americans don’t
care about civil liberties. Americans don’t care about terrorists either. They only want
someone to tell them bed-time stories. Americans are a people who want to believe. In
Jesus. In anything. OK I got a bed-time story for you. “Go to friggin’ sleep, before I
have you tortured to death in Syria. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh, yeah, boy. It’s good to be back.