How To Save Iraq
The only hope for a unified Iraq, and a calmer Middle East, rests with an
Iraqi strongman. Secretary Rumsfeld was dispatched on a vital mission
to Baghdad. He met with the most likely candidate to unify Iraq in the
latter’s holding cell while awaiting execution. “I think it was all just a
misunderstanding. Sorry about your sons, Saddam,” Secretary Rumsfeld
told the once and future Iraqi president while shaking hands again with
Saddam Hussein. Saddam was coy to the prospect however. He asked
for three billion in ‘walking around money’ as well as a huge arms
shipment.
Saddam also raised the prospect of governing a nation in chaos without
a solidly functioning oil industry to provide revenue. Perhaps, Rumsfeld
suggested, President Hussein might be interested in some nearby oil
fields, like Kuwait? Still Saddam demurred, feeling that a nuclear-armed
Iran next-door would prove too formidable for him. “Look we’re allies
once more,” We said clinching the deal. “We could provide ten small
nuclear warheads for defensive purposes...”
And this is how peace will be restored to the world order. US
Intelligence sources ridicule the notion that Iraq is receiving assistance
from Pakistan in building two guided ballistic missiles with a six
thousand mile range called the Uday and Qusay.
