State of the Onion
I didn’t write last night’s speech. But agreed with Karl about the
overall strategy: Take a glib phrase from the Democrats about oil-
addiction, and say little to upset the mid-terms. Luckily we are running
against the luckless! Democrats are playing wiffle-ball in a game
dominated by ad-hoc rugby-rules.
‘Grey-Boy’ is not to blame for getting us addicted to oil. He was only a
dry-hole salesman at best. We both profited off the oil industry.
Especially me. I knew years ago that gasoline was the devil’s urine and
wanted to play a role in promoting it. Every S.U.V that fills its tank buys
at least one bullet for the cause of jihad. It’s symmetry.
The challenge for us, who believe in power but not in government, is
to uphold the former at the demise of the latter. So far it’s been easy
to do. People are too forgetful. There’s the ‘Grey-Boy’ before 9/11 and
the one after. There’s the ‘Grey-Boy’ who had indiscretions as a young
man and the born-again ‘Grey-Boy’ who is forgiven. The same logic
does not apply to minorities on death-row. But our philosophy is the
philosophy of the lucky.
Uh, oh. The multiple-me recast switch has been moved. I feel myself
plunging into the persona of a sixth-grade teacher:
“Distinguished guests, winners of reality shows --including the one in
the Middle-East... and boys and girls. Today is report card day and I
have to say, though you are capable of getting an A-minus; you are
doing D-plus work. I have checked many recommendations for you
which you should review with your parents, if you have any.
“First of all you need to study harder. A few facts do not make the
truth. In depth knowledge is a pre-requisite for avoiding mistakes.
Also, you need to learn how to get along with others. Here in
Washington you boys and girls have engaged in a very mean-spirited
name calling contest and have avoided your studies. You have spent
your allowance and everyone else’s frivolously. And boys and girls if you
have to pay somebody to be your friend, then that is not a good friend.
That is a temporary playmate who will soon turn on you as you are now
finding out. The state of our union is becoming pungent; it’s enough to
make me cry.”
